And yes, I do know that it is Monday.
The following happened to me last Thursday:
- I woke up and paused for a moment. I rolled over onto my side and said to myself “I feel like something terrible is going to happen today.”
- Half an hour later, as I was preparing to leave for work, I sneezed, slipped and headbutted my windowsill.
- I saw stars. They were pretty.
- My nose exploded. All over my nice white shirt. I staggered into the hallway and my housemate screamed. I looked like one of those zombies from The Walking Dead. Only more stylish and less decomposed.
- Despite advice from my sister and a call from my parents, I went to work where I suffered two further nosebleeds, nausea and severe pain.
- My boss raised an eyebrow and said “get thee to the hospital.” So my friend/colleague took me and waited.
- The nurse checked for concussion. She pressed my face a lot which made me want to throttle her but I understand that this was necessary and that my pain was just an unfortunate by product.
- I was not concussed but my heart rate was alarmingly low.
- I had an ECG done which involved the removal of my shirt and bra and having electrodes placed under my boobs by a nonchalant nurse while I all but died of shame.
- Two doctors spoke in hushed tones while I thought of creative ways to tell my parents that my heart was so lazy, it couldn’t even be bothered to support me properly.
- The doctors told me to go home and take it easy.
- I went back to work.
- My boss told me to go home and take it easy.
- I went home but perhaps did not take it as easy as I should (I had deadlines).
- Later that evening, my parents called to tell me that my aunt had died early that morning. They hadn’t wanted to tell me earlier as they were worried about me and my head injury.
- I cried.
Days like last Thursday should be prohibited. Even now, it feels like I’m experiencing a grief/pain hangover. My heart aches for my Dad (it was his sister who passed) and even though he assures me that he is “doing well”, I can’t help but sneak glimpses at my own sister and feel my stomach drop when I think about what he must be going through.
So then, it was just as well that on Saturday, I remembered that I had the pictured ingredients from Bart as well as the recipe for their Jubilee Sponge – nothing like an aesthetically pleasing baked good with the requisite dosage of sugar and deliciousness to pull one’s attention away from their bruised face and life’s woes. It’s also a celebration of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee which is happening next month.
The following happened Saturday night:
- We became overly excited at the prospect of Bart’s Jubilee sponge.
- We assembled the ingredients and realised with a jolt of happiness that we had everything we needed.
- Except round baking tins.
- And electric whisk.
- And any whisk that wasn’t flimsy enough to be snapped just by breathing on it.
- And blueberries.
- Sister and I valiantly decided to bake anyway with our square baking tins and lack of whisk.
- The sponge turned out grand (as you can see)
Beautiful, delicious SQUARE sponge.
- We improvised with the strawberries we did have and the wonderful addition of sprinkles.
- We ate most of the cake whilst watching The Little Mermaid, Beauty & the Beast, Pocahontas and Lady & the Tramp one after the other.
- I have become so hooked on Jubilee Sponge that I am baking it again this week.
- This time with the addition of blueberries, round cake tins and an electric whisk.
- I felt better. Chill time with my sister made the happenings of Thursday a lot less brutal.
This was the finished product. It tasted exquisite but alas, looked nothing like it was supposed to. Next time, it will be perfect.
You can find the recipe here and can also see what Jubilee Sponge is supposed to look like. My next attempt will be victorious. Just wait. You can also (if you are au fait with baking, Dominique, I’m looking at you), enter their competition. Sadly, I will not be taking part. There’s only room for one Master of Baking in the family and that is Mama T.
This week needs to be better than the last.
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Stereo. 20-something aspiring bon vivant. London based. Exceptionally Nigerian. Partial to snark. My default setting is "wry". Jeans and blazers are my uniform. Landlady. Speed reader, tuneless singer, hoarder of words, drinker of Schloer; I am suspicious of most people, have zero tolerance for tomfoolery, have a vast DVD collection, worship at the altar of Al Green, own too many bottles of nail polish, have small eyes, small ears and giant hair and owe approximately 86% of my awesome to the Parents Typewriter.
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