Aurora – From London
When something tragic – like the events of last Friday – takes place, people start trying to make sense of it all. We point fingers, we attribute blame, we try and rationalise acts that cannot be rationalised.
In London the story broke early and stole the laughter that impending weekends bring right out of people’s mouths. There were tears, there was disbelief and there were intermittent bouts of silence. And then the rage came. As reports flooded in about the tools that were used to carry out the attack, there came the inevitable outcry of a nation unused to gun culture.
I read pages and pages of comments when the blame was assigned to lax gun laws and the President; to America’s unwillingness to do this and to stop doing that and I won’t lie, I can’t lie; I thought some of the same things. I dipped my toes in the same pool of utter confusion and fear and came to the conclusion that it is the weapons that are to blame.
Because in a world where planes are flown into buildings and scores of people are taken in seconds without warning, the alternative is too terrifying to face. That these acts are carried out by human beings is sometimes too much to bear.
He’s nothing like me, I thought more than once as the photos I had seen and the interviews I had watched played on a continuous and terrible loop in my head. Then, as bewildered questions about the motives of parents bringing their children to a late showing of a film began to filter in and as discussions began to splinter and eventually broke down into polarising slanging matches, I turned off my television and closed my browser tabs and thought not now, not today.
Sometimes, it is important to bow out of the politics and sit with your confusion, with your panic and with your disbelief and dispense with the “what ifs” and the “they should haves”. It is important to feel sad about a society that accepts violence as the norm and it is not only appropriate but necessary to mourn those (that we know or do not) whose lives have been cut short.
And in the midst of it all, it is important to remember that behind the gun, behind the monster, was a man; someone’s son, someone loved by people; someone that seemingly had no “issues” and who I thought was “nothing like me”. That perhaps he’s more like you and me than we would like to admit is what makes my heart heavy.
Thoughts and prayers to the victims of the Aurora shooting and to their friends and families.
This post was supposed to be my stance on all manner of things surrounding senseless tragedies like these: access to mental health treatment; gun control, even touching on those I have lost because of both. My feelings on both subjects haven’t changed but neither are they relevant here and that is a lesson in itself. I am glad that I can have those discussions with people I know will put forward measured opposition or who might think like me. People who are my friends regardless of what we believe. I’m thankful.
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Stereo. 20-something aspiring bon vivant. London based. Exceptionally Nigerian. Partial to snark. My default setting is "wry". Jeans and blazers are my uniform. Landlady. Speed reader, tuneless singer, hoarder of words, drinker of Schloer; I am suspicious of most people, have zero tolerance for tomfoolery, have a vast DVD collection, worship at the altar of Al Green, own too many bottles of nail polish, have small eyes, small ears and giant hair and owe approximately 86% of my awesome to the Parents Typewriter.
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I don’t talk about tragedies like this. I don’t like to be involved in the politics and fighting after them. I don’t want to be part of that. The pain and anger is still there, pain and anger are always still there, but I don’t want to acknowledge them. I don’t want to admit that I have this huge, negative storm behind my eyes. I have a reason.
Because, he’s exactly like me.
There, but for the grace of God, go I.
I know the irrational rage that can drive a person to such extreme acts. I know the point, the line in the soul in which human life stops being sacred and becomes meaningless.
I’ve stood with my toes against that line and a strong force pushing against my back…
So, yeah, I don’t talk about it. I don’t want people to know that my first response isn’t, “We should prevent these tragedies.” It’s not about gun laws or mental health care reform.
My first response was more primal than that. It wasn’t human. It was the kind of thought a monster has when he’s treading that line again.
It terrified me.
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Elizabeth - Letters from a Small State Reply:
July 24th, 2012 at 19:39
Hey Matt, hey Stereo. Thanks for the post. I was biting my nails before I read it, waiting for the “British people looking down their noses at Americans” mentality that I heard so much of whilst living in London. So I really appreciate this kindness, which is exactly spot on… that is was a person with anger and flaws and some kind of sickness that committed the crime, and not a country.
And Matt I go into myself too… how do we prevent this personal angst in ourselves? I am not sure… I know I’ve seen some pretty impressive rage come out of my suburban-mommy mouth. I try not to get too worked up about it, because repressing it seems to be worse.
Thanks so the space to just let us all be ourselves and know that if anyone of you ever wants to just scream, have at it… do it. We all need it.
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Stereo Reply:
July 25th, 2012 at 16:23
While I think there’s a time and place for the gun control and mental health discussions, I really don’t think the immediate aftermath was that time. People were in shock and disbelief and it was (and still is) just so terribly tragic.
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There are some things that transcend belief systems, political stances and general opinion and this is on of them. Try as we might, we will never truly make sense of it. All we can do is stop with the hating (who is to blame? Society? The K-mart store owner who sold him the gun? The girls who rejected him? The President (I still cannot believe people will even go there!)?? It does not even matter) instead we join with those who have lost loved ones and as Dionne Warwick so soulfully sang, we will say a little prayer for you all…
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Stereo Reply:
July 25th, 2012 at 16:37
Too true. Sometimes we just need to sit and feel and think of others before airing our views.
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Last night, I watched the news finally, to see him. And it made me cry, seeing this man, younger than my own son, so broken, so not there, so lost. Part of me wanted to hate him. And yet, I could not.
I hate what he did. I mourn all who were lost or damaged, and I mourn another loss of the sense in the world that we are safe. I have no answers.
It is a time for heavy hearts and, I hope, a time for us to say, we CAN do better than this. Together, we can find a way.
xoxo
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Stereo Reply:
July 25th, 2012 at 16:33
The things the media choose to focus on are nothing short of bizarre sometimes. There is all this hoopla surrounding the colour of the boy’s hair and I couldn’t help but think “since when have we not been dying our hair all the colours of the rainbow? What does that have to do with anything?” But I suppose it’s just another example of people trying to make sense out of the senseless.
We have to do better. And I think talking about it is a start.
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I was horrified and saddened at the news. Then numb. And when I saw some news reports calling for the focus to be on the victims and not the shooter, I was heartened a little. Then the crazies came screaming out of the woodwork, and the reactionaries followed suit…and the tragedy got lost in the hurricane of agendas….
Thanks for a bit of common courtesy and sense, my friend. Pulling back to simply face our emotions rather than trying to “DO SOMETHING” in the moment…sage advice…
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Stereo Reply:
July 25th, 2012 at 16:25
“and the tragedy got lost in the hurricane of agendas.”
That was so perfectly put.
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it is easier to join in the finger pointing and chaos than to sit with our hearts. that is the hardest of all.
thank you for this. we disagree on things, but in the end, we both did the same thing. turned the tv off and mourned. i would like to pretend i don’t question all the issues you mentioned, but i do. i always do.
i am glad to have you as a friend – to see things through your eyes.
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Stereo Reply:
July 25th, 2012 at 16:25
I think disagreement can be healthy as long as minds and hearts stay open. And I am thankful that this seems to be what we have achieved here.
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Oh I’ve missed you. Sitting in the confusion with you and hoping that each of us can find our piece of the solution.
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Stereo Reply:
July 25th, 2012 at 16:23
Missed you too! So happy to see you in my comments again.
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Like Elizabeth, I always wonder how things like this play outside of the U.S. We tend to be very focused inward here in the States. It takes something like this to make us stop and wonder if this is what it is like to live in places where violence is the norm, rather than the exception. It’s comforting to know that our feelings at a time like this are in many ways the same.
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Stereo Reply:
July 25th, 2012 at 16:19
I have to tell you, Brandee that after Columbine and after Virginia Tech and other gun-related atrocities, the UK basically has a number of conversations:
1. Why does the USA even have guns at all
2. Why the USA is reluctant to re-evaluate gun control
3. Won’t anybody in the USA think of the children?
4. The UK is better because we don’t have guns, here are the reasons why
and somewhere towards the bottom of the pile:
5. The poor victims and their families
I read some really vicious things over the course of Friday and Saturday and it made me sad.
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Wow. So true. Your thoughts on this are so true, sobering and said. So many people rush to call the perpetrator of these events “evil”. They are human beings–terribly flawed human beings.
Withdrawing from the melee is sometimes the best way to handle these things, I agree. Sit and face the sadness and anger instead of heaping anger and criticism on people is the hardest thing to do, but the better option. Well done.
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