About

Howdy. This is me. I’m Stereo. You can call me Stereo.

These are the things you need to know about me:

• I’m a twenty-something girl living and working in London.
• I’ve been a homeowner and subsequent live-in landlady since the tender age of 19.
• The above has made me somewhat jaded, less possessing of patience and slightly more prone to vitriolic/violent outbursts.
• Two of my tenants/housemates are my older brother and sister.
• I am very, very Nigerian.
• I am a certified bookworm and bought a Kindle only because I ran out of space for new books.
• I think Kim Kardashian is an idiot.
• I am bordering on OCD about a number of inconsequential things but my bedroom often looks as if a motley crew of slothful teenage boys live in it.
• I write therefore I am.
• I have moved house 10 times in my life.
• I hate moving house.
• I think Lady Gaga is an idiot.
• I am a very old soul.
• I have no filter.
• My birthday is on the same day as my father’s – I think you can probably guess what my relationship with him is like.
• I have patella tendinitis in both knees, plantar fasciitis and myriad other ailments. They’re part of my charm.
• I own many, many, many, MANY DVDs.
• I eat hot wings more than is necessarily advisable.
• I think healthcare is a right and not a privilege.
• Ditto education.
• Ditto equality.

These are some things you probably don’t need to know about me but which I thought you might like to know anyway:

1. I am unintentional maimer of hamsters (that might sound psychotic but it isn’t. I don’t personally main them. It’s just that the two hamsters I have owned in my lifetime have ended up disfigured in some way. That also sounds terrible. I need to explain things better. I am regretting divulging this information.)
2. I wear glasses. I used to wear contacts but find that I look more fetching with a jaunty pair of frames upon my face. I need these glasses. I am hideously short-sighted and not one of those douches who wear fake glasses to be cute.
3. I think Klout and Foursquare are pointless.
4. I have been arrested once.
5. It was for suspicion of car theft.
6. I didn’t steal any cars.
7. I am naturally suspicious of people.
8. I can count on one hand the number of physical altercations I have been in.
9. I would probably need several hundred pairs of hands to count the number of physical altercations I have thought about being in.
10. I am starting to question Pinterest even though I have an account.
11. I don’t even understand Get Glue.
12. I once fell in a pond and almost drowned. I was four at the time. My sister was meant to be watching me. She wasn’t.
13. I introduced my mother to Hoarders and ever since, she has watched it with the same kind of horrified fascination as me. We bonded over the “Constance” episode.

These are the things I like:

• My bed and my electric blanket
• Owls
• Having my scalp scratched (am I right?)
• Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
• Banoffee pie
• Get Off My Internets
• People who can take constructive criticism
• DVDs (obviously)
• GIFs
• Debating the legitimacy of the fame held by certain celebrities
• My iPhone
• My Android
• Big hair
• Books
• The way my Dad always says “It’s Dad” at the start of every voicemail he leaves me
• Bacon sandwiches…hell, bacon in any form
• New polish on my toes
• Scented candles
• Al Green
• Button down shirts
• Digital technology
• Friends that you can spend hours talking to about nothing at all
• Stationary; pens, notebooks, cards – gotta have ‘em all
• Mango, peppermint tea and pain au chocolat
• Travelling

Uncletypewriter is the result of too many years spent suppressing thoughts and feelings and mumbling angrily and incoherently on the train to school/work. I talk about all sorts here. Sometimes it is not pretty. I regret nothing.

I have met some of the best people I know through blogging and would love to meet more. Get at me using any of the social networks in the header, by using the information on the contact page or by dropping me a comment.

I promise I only bite when asked.

ツ