On Christmas day, my mother, along with some other things, gave me the pink fluffy slippers you see in the photo above. Anyone that knows me knows that I am not a pink fluffy person. I’d sooner wear sackcloth. I didn’t understand. I looked at the slippers. And then I looked at her. And then I looked at the slippers. And then I looked at her. And then I said thank you.
“Just put them on,” Mama T said, wholly unconvinced by my gratitude (which was real underneath the confusion.)
So I did and as my feet succumbed to the near-orgasmic pleasure of the softness within, I looked up at my mother. “Mum,” I gasped, “what…what is this?”
“Those,” she replied calmly, “are memory foam slippers. Heated. You’re welcome.”
It was just another in a lifelong series of lessons from my parents – always trust your mother, she knows better than you. And as I padded around the house in heated memory foam slippers, popping the glucosamine and olive leaf extract that she’d been pressing on me for months and finally admitting that my knees actually are the better for taking them, I realised not for the first time that my parents are really fucking wise.
They’ve taught me and my siblings innumerable life lessons and I’ve plucked out 50 of the most memorable because putting them in writing here is a great way for me to appreciate the force that is the Parents Typewriter (and I’m yet to meet a sane person who does not love them.)
- Do not settle – In work, love, friendships or anything. Only accept what you deserve. This is also true of cake as Mama T regularly tells her cake clients. The words “why wouldn’t you want an extra tier made entirely of fudge cake?” has been used more than once.
- Everything in moderation – We are not a juice cleanse, no chocolate ever, “I don’t have a TV” type of family. Papa T likes to impress upon us the brevity and improbability of life. “It is too short to deprive yourself of things that make you happy.” When met with smartass responses like what if drugs make you happy? Or, like, MURDER? he will fix you with a look and say very slowly “use your head.” Well, quite.
- Embarrassment is just a state of mind – As evidenced by the time when I was 15 and Papa T and I visited the pharmacy and, as I trailed behind him being sullen and teenagery, he projected his voice to ask ”which kind of sanitary towels do you need? Super? Winged? What is the difference?”
- What people think of you is none of your business.
- You are important.
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